can also be found on the Swallow (http://www.larondine.fi/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=562&Itemid=1), but here it is also the case here:
I swear I did everything to resist the temptation writing these lines. Since the beginning of June that I think (the beginning of every June) and every time I tell myself that what happens is all well and good. But, be patient, it is the twenty-seventh consecutive day that I am awakened by jackhammers at seven, and in one way or another I have to vent.
I write therefore to exasperation, desperation, and Dumas and (see) very healthy desire for revenge.
Come to order: the Finnish summer is tinged with red and yellow every year!
A metaphor to describe the beautiful days?
Totti was purchased on a free dall'HJK?
Not at all.
Red and yellow are the official colors of the work in progress. "Work in Progress" is an expression that describes the inability to move and sleep peacefully in Helsinki. The phenomenon is the impressive number (far superior to that of the Finnish population) of poles to glow red and yellow stripes that we see every summer with Democratic generously distributed in the most crowded and more deserts, more and more remote neighbors, the capital .
The stakes are all the same brand, the KD of Vantaa. The acronym stands for "Katso Di" and is the tip of the iceberg of a turnover exterminated. The KD is in fact the same company which produces, in addition to the stakes ("The stakes Katso!" is in fact our most frequently used phrase: have you ever wondered why?), even the traffic lights ("KD red!" exclaim as before the red longer the universe), almost all food distribution in supermarkets ("KD prices!"), and more (we'll see in the text).
A division of the company, KAD (Katso They will be), then that is in charge of recruitment and distribution of duties of the work (KAD dig all day!? "," KAD drill at seven in the morning!? "and so on). Returning to
KD poles, they are at least three types: cylindrical phallic-to define the territory of conquest, phallic-bevel to mark the path to gymkhana, and spatula-rectangular ornaments. The appearance of KD poles, approximately every 25 meters at any angle you care to Helsinki you live, work or go to the event, clearly announces the beginning of summer, and the invitation - loud and clear - to leave city \u200b\u200bfor the next four months (see why they all go to Kesämökki?).
If you choose to stay, perhaps because Helsinki is, as it is a wonderful city to live in the summer, with the Helsinki Festival and all the rest, then your kaksi. Know that your summer will be marked by sleep deprivation strategy sessions, trekking, free climbing in the center, and systematic simulation of grand theft if you drive.
It goes in stages.
The beginning, as we said, is the Lutheran seven in the morning with hammers and shovels, and whatever he does with the sound of the Virgin Mary. It is at seven, and eight, at eight o'clock because the union includes one hour of rest for the weary workers who are already at work by seven. The reason why they do not start directly at eight, giving and giving us just one hour of sleep, I'm still not known, but I have my theories and I will explain later. The gusts could reach from the road (the so-called "remontti bastard"), and by your residence ("remontti bastard") and is then by your own apartment (with honors remontti bastard ") with the prior decision is not yours, but the administration and tenants, who always put you in the minority when it comes to installing the fixtures or renew any KD infrastructure. "In" (fixtures, infrastructure, internal) is a particle-key, because the philosophy of aesthetic remontti is never superficial. No: you have to dig, drill, penetrate, scrape off, drilling, sift, sneak, pierce, grattevincere. Everything that serve drills, pneumatic hammers and guns. All this, plus the stakes, leave it to the most Freudian interpretation among readers. It seems to me quite clear. In fact
. At seven Zerocinque you staring eyes, a killer instinct most of the food, and a total abandonment of inhibitions cursing.
leave the house with two circles like Inspector Derrick, and from now on it works as in flow charts: IF-THEN, if-then. If you opt for public transport then you're faced with two options: that the cruel and very cruel. The cruel is to find out that your usual bus stop has disappeared. Or rather, there would still be but a lonely hill of soil horizon excludes the last watch, including stop. The path of the bus was diverted to search for and you have to put temporary stop (also manufactured by KD).
option but that is very cruel, devious and mean, you stop seeing the whole and inviting as Scarlett Johansson, but - oddly enough - no waiting for the bus. Mah will be the time: then, there are still seven and a half, and people rightly will stay asleep. Drums lined with kryptonite, but will stay asleep. You start waiting for the bus. Ten minutes, twenty, thirty (KD summer). Forty-five six attacked by a suspect Shakespeare, but the appearance of a M'Briako * you put as you wait for the bus to calm you.
For the next twenty minutes.
Then again Hamlet.
After waiting an hour and five, do you understand the tragic truth: very cruel option is simply to apply the option cruel ELSEWHERE. KD The bus route was diverted from another damn part, so that two or three stops are deleted, and among them - invariably - yours.
Okay, stay calm. Moreover
yet 8:35 and I have all day in front me.
take the car.
If you take the machine, then begin to play Grand Theft. To begin with, the golden rule: Do not Bring your Navigator. The KD female voice (as huge company?) You tempesterà of "Recalculating" every minute and a half, because the satellite is not right time to take note of all the detours that the council is able to organize on the basis daily. The KAD, in this case, it takes a carpet all national and international standards of SimCity, Koskenkorva stuffed them, and then puts them to work: it can only be explained why the right lane is closed Monday, Tuesday that centrale, mercoledì quella sinistra, giovedì di nuovo la destra, venerdì la sinistra e la centrale, sabato la destra e la sinistra, domenica tutte e tre. I segnali di deviazione (una o due frecce ritte, e due o una ammosciate: siamo sempre dalle parti di Freud) hanno ormai imparato a spostarsi da soli: non si pongono più domande, guardano dov’è la buca e si spostano di conseguenza.
Esci dal posto-macchina (l’unico gratis che ti toccherà per l’intera giornata), e ti dirigi verso l’uscita del parcheggio.
Illuso.
L’uscita del parcheggio è bloccata dai KD paletti, alcune transenne, una scavatrice più grossa di Gundam, e una voragine which can be seen from the eighth circle with the pimps and seducers.
You exit the other side.
At this point, you should go downtown to go right.
Trust me, go left and make the rounds. You already know why.
But just because you do not stop buying books and I finally do the helicopter? Looking
the entrance to the freeway. The first can be assumed to be blocked, the second well (but have a go, you never know you are distracted for a moment), the third lane has reduced but there you go.
As you head downtown, the landscape around is that you are presented with post-atomic. Cantieroni, shipyards and singing alternate harmoniously, all surrounded by yellow and red decorations, perhaps maybe Totti, at least on loan for six months, it really comes.
cantierini them there I have this, no? They are the ones, taaanto tender, two meters by one with three sticks around KD ... nothing. Whether we will stay there to do? Mystery of faith. I have two hypotheses: install are made by children in strict curriculum of schools, or, I fear, Pavlovian need to maintain a high level of terror.
Cantieroni and sites, however, differ only in size, height (the hills of soil), number of Gundam, and decorations. These important. I've never seen so many different ways of surrounding a building site. Pallets of the above mentioned three types, barriers gray, yellow barriers, barriers with white New Romantic applications Giallorossi, flags, ropes, ribbons, wood panels, metal panels, linen, towels, stacks of equipment, piles of pipes, signals of all kinds , lights flashing. Gentlemen, we have not understood a thing: this is modern art!
As you head downtown, you realize you have pain in the muscles of his right hand. No, you're a teenager again: the pain is due to the fact that the hand is constantly active on the exchange. Go down the road (70 km / h): second, then third. A second fourth and then 30 km / h, work in progress, third, 20 Km / h on the site of the work, then back 70 (and third, fourth, fifth on the variant fleeting Raikkonen), and hey presto, 30, then 20, then KD red. 15 minutes after the light turns green, second, third, second (in progress), third, KD red before. Other 15 minutes. In short, they get to that you seem to have led to Federer September 5
're finally in the center. Stay still for a shift in the bank to apply for a mortgage because then you will have to pay for parking, then go to the most famous street. The facilities of the city center, beyond the usual aesthetic problem (but some of you remember when was the last Mannerheimintie Aleksanterinkatu or without work during the summer? I'm here 10 years and not I still happen), go even to persecute a planning condition that anyone with the masochism of owning a car in Helsinki already know by heart.
Map automotive center of the city was in fact designed by the same criminal who has determined the number of civic buildings: a habitual consumer of LSD, and fond of puzzles inspired by the Picasso's Guernica. Who is leading in Helsinki, in fact, knows very well that if he needs a mile from turning left, will do well to turn now that it's possible, because if he loses this opportunity, the next will recur in Etelä-Haaga. I've always had the suspicion that someone has made a number by mistake Excessive signs prohibiting access, and (especially) the damn left turn restrictions. So as not to waste them (never both in the country where if you also forward half portion of rice boiled in a restaurant, you make the pack), it was decided to place them at random through the streets of downtown, even if there would be room and comfort to turn left not only a car but also for the Enterprise.
this should be added to the previously mentioned price of parking, which generally makes you regret not having called a taxi (from Tallinn: full fare, ferry and gas costs less than one call a taxi Finnish. 'Heel them: you sit down in the car and there is already wrote 7 €. € 7 for what, Risto saint? For myself sitting ???), and the paradox that at the end of parking spaces there are not even many (Helsinki must be full of millionaires).
You finally parked the car.
If driving is like playing Grand Theft, walking makes you feel more Lara Croft. Would you like to go from a shop but you realize that the building is like a incellofanato kurkku. A case of remontti bastard. Continue to Akatemian Kirjakauppa (again references the helicopter) is the wooden gallery, obstructions, with internal signals. It is good because it is one hundred points if you go out live. After the tunnel, jump perché c’è la duna in terriccio e atterri in una specie di orticello con i paletti al posto delle patate. Fai zig-zag su quattro KD fallico-conici e finalmente sei in libreria.
Ti passa subito la voglia perché stanno facendo il remontti dei libri, che consiste nell’ammucchiare tutti i libri di “Psicologia” e spostarli in “Erotismo”, prendere tutti quelli di “Erotismo” e spostarli in “Infanzia”, e così via fino a completare il giro in “Letteratura”. Alla fine, quelli che avanzano finiscono all’entrata con i cartelli ALE, che è una contrazione di “A-LEtteratura non c’era più spazio”. Uno degli effetti collaterali Relocation of these campaigns is that when taking your son / nephew / godson to buy a book of stories for children, instead of Moominpappa you are the Moominpoppe of Anderson.
Come, come, come out of here.
Where you can rest assured that, far from remontti, without having to resort to suicide civil Kesämökki? The work, which is the only work. Let's go to the department, the rest in the summer is a treat to work because there is a colleague in the radius of one kilometer.
Street, then, the real paradise without naapuri. Steps from the parking lot, you turn off the other two hundred euro you asked for in the bank, and you are set for another couple of hours. Run down to the department and look like a German shepherd in the obstacle course for dogs jump the ditch, from slalom poles, oliocuore on the fence, Fosbury on a dune, and you have arrived. Sweating like a dolphin, but you came.
The finish is bitter, but neo-realist. The courtyard of the department like the mines of Golconda, with two (due!) diggers in the space of 20 square meters. And I still have not figured out how we have entered, as well as the gate is hard in the Golf of Professor Tarasti. Interior, however, prefer not to speak. It is enough just to know that we have with colleagues to use personal names to our offices: Katrina, Andrew, Hugo ... the same hurricane.
Mesto and defeated, you It remains only to sit down (on earth you want to get out, or on a pile of books if you're staying in) to reflect on the reason for all this. The first thing that comes to mind is that you come from Trani, the city with the most dilapidated streets of Europe. Nobody cares for the days of the visit by Umberto I. Here at Helsinki refer the streets all the holy summers, and what is the result? Exactly the same as in Trani: downshifting, avoid it, slow down, put a strain on the dampers, divert to side roads. The difference is that nobody breaks in Trani cabasisi at seven in the morning and the last jackhammer felt when they built the stage for the Trio Lescano.
Ma non è questo tipo di riflessione che vai cercando. Quello che vuoi capire è perché.
Perché, maremma bonina, perché.
Ti hanno raccontato che molti di questi lavoratori sono inclusi nei piani di impiego dei disoccupati. Vorresti crederci, in un paese che non tanto tempo fa prendevi a modello per la sua socialdemocrazia (prima che la Nokia imponesse una logica di mercato quasi più selvaggia dell'ex blocco sovietico), ma questa sola ragione non è sufficiente, perché non rende conto di troppi elementi. Non spiega il sadismo, la massiccia presenza visiva, il gioco ad incastri, non spiega il terrore dei cantierini.
Non puoi che ricorrere alla teoria della cospirazione. Viri the mystical and you imagine a great Board of Directors mega-galactic sitting around a huge elliptical table. They are all there, fat and smiling: the mega-director of the galactic Kesämökki, who has an interest in moving the entire population in the country. The mega-director of the galactic polyisocyanate which has an interest in making more complicated than the maximum speed of 740. The mega-director of the galactic gas stations, an interest that you drive at first as often as possible. The mega-director of the galactic KD, needless to say. And who knows how many others.
Finally, at the head, the super-mega-hyper-magnum lider maximo interplanetary director of the Lutheran church universal. He is coordinating everything. Approve all plans to gain their colleagues sitting around, but the more we add the element of sado-masochistic, the obsession with efficiency, work ethic, the level of terror, seven in the morning and the calibration of jackhammers to 180 decibels.
The committee decision.
All megadirettori agree.
The appointment is tomorrow morning.
At seven. Punctual
I recommend that the break is at eight.
--- * The M'Briako is the result of a triple merger of terminology common only to those, like me, who 1) attended the World Cup '82 and remember we have got goals from M'Bida, 2) have lived in Bari, where the exact wording for the types such as the stop is "'mbriacòun" (drunkard), and 3) have moved to Finland where the problem of' Alcoholism is a desperate and terrible, but everyone pretends nothing, so we should speak in code. Result: M'Briako. So you can blame the usual immigrants, and they are all happy.
